Code of Conduct for online dating.

In the past I have described dating as a mind field. Something I still feel is true, yet, what baffles me more, is the online code of dating. Or lack of it. Dick pics, shady chat up lines and sugar daddies reliving their youth, all seem to unfortunately be the norm. If dating is a mind field, then online dating should come with a trigger warning.

Whilst it’s true that many just want to find the ultimate love of their life, I am almost certain than some just want to freak you out. I will never understand why a nude picture or innuendo always seem to beat ‘hello, I see you love dogs and gin’ as a conversation starter.


  1. Never answer a dick pic (see point 2).
  2. If you have a penis, never send a dick pic- in fact no, male or female genitalia should never turn into a conversation starter. Neither peen nor vagjajay are pretty, leave them in your pants and away from the camera. Sincerely, everyone.
  3. Don’t guilt trip us, dogs are not allowed in images– It’s true that I would be way more inclined to swipe for a dog picture, it’s slightly a cheap trick. Whilst dogs are cute, the owner may not be.  Using dogs is an easy way to get a match but remember a match can be deleted if you are a dick.
  4. Make sure you have at least one singular picture of yourself- nothing is more annoying than not being about to figure out who you are.
  5. Never use derogatory chat up lines– seriously the whole’ you’re pretty for a fat girl’ (which has been said to me on many occasion) should be buried and never resurrected. No one should ever try to make a derogatory chat up line a socailly acceptable, and if you do you are an utter wanker.
  6. If it’s not working just tell the other person– no need to keep anyone else guessing, being up front is the best for the both of you.
  7. If you are talking to other people, make sure you’re messaging the right person. SERIOUSLY, a double-check won’t take a lot of time but will save a lot of embarrassment and heartache.
  8. Set up your own account don’t get your laugh a minute mate to do it for you! – Stupid point, maybe, BUT your account should be set up by you, you’re the one who is looking for love not, you’re mates down the pub. Your dating profile should be a reflection on you- no one else.
  9. IMG_4432


  1. Be honest. We all know someone on tinder with a partner. Don’t be that person, it’s shady and cruel.
  2. Don’t take it too seriously. It’s likely that Bob from Sheffield isn’t going to be the one for you but if the flirty banter is flowing nicely, then enjoy it. Likewise if things aren’t going well, don’t take it to heart, someone will love you for you.

There you have it, my code of conduct for online dating. Dick Pics and all.

If you have any other do’s or do not’s please let me know in the comments below.

Always love,

Em x